Disney Trip Day 5: "An Off Day"

I know I'm going to get in trouble for writing this, but it must be written. My wife always packs too many activities into every "vacation."

So it was all I could do to keep from laughing when she told me that Day 5 would be "an off day." The only plans that we had were to take a shuttle and a monorail to a different hotel, have breakfast with Mickey and friends, come back to the hotel, take a water taxi to Downtown Disney for some shopping, have lunch at a restaurant called T-Rex, maybe spend a few hours in a place called Disney Quest, come back to the hotel to get changed, then go to yet another hotel for the Hoop-De-Doo Musical Revue that evening. Oh, how I had hoped to hear the words "nap" and "hammock," but they were nowhere to be found.

First stop, breakfast. As we were taken to the table, the hostess motioned toward the all-you-can-eat buffet that would be our first diet-busting-free-for-all that day. Several days of stuffing myself were catching up to me and I was concerned that even breakfast had become a gorge fest.

The kids were excited as the characters came by our table. I temporarily put my fork down as Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Pluto, Donald and Daisy Duck posed for pictures and signed autographs. Perhaps in a food induced coma, I found it hard to tell Goofy and Pluto apart, but kept that to myself. I noticed a defibrillator on the wall, not far from my table, and silently felt some comfort.

Throughout the trip, my son made it a habit to go to the washroom about 200 times a day, so it was no surprise that he left the table three times during breakfast. I had also come to realize that his longer than normal trips involved flushing the toilet multiple times and washing his hands using soap from every dispenser in the washroom. I don't know where these habits come from, but I guess the Disney experience is going to be different for every child.

Despite loud protests from the kids, we left without enjoying any of the breakfast desserts. Forgive me kids, but the day you need dessert at breakfast is the day you really have a problem.

We arrived at Downtown Disney and my daughter hoped she could use her own money to buy more stuffed Disney characters. My son hoped he could use more of my money to buy yet another pirate gun or sword. As silly as some of these items seemed to me, I couldn't forget that as a 12-year-old, I bought a fake arm cast, a spongy fake rock and a five foot long rubber snake as my Disney souvenirs, so I was in no position to question them.

Lunch at T-Rex was noisy, but fun. The kids loved the animatronic dinosaurs on the walls and I enjoyed a 3,000 calorie cheeseburger with potato chips.

Next up was DisneyQuest, a four level interactive theme park. My son enjoyed some of the video games, but my daughter was drawn to the more active games and I soon found myself playing alongside her as a human pinball. Apparently, I was born to be a pinball as I easily beat all the other players in the game. My clogged arteries made exiting the game somewhat difficult and my daughter seemed alarmed that I was covered in sweat (a condition which lasted about three hours). Lucky for me, I was then able to assume a boxing game already in progress and, while feeling the onset of a stroke, badly outpointed my opponent.

What better way to keep the feeling going than to play some virtual reality games? All of us had helmets strapped to our heads and collectively battled virtual enemies by swinging wildly at them with swords. The total attack on our senses had been too much for my wife, and she spent the next hour or so lying on the floor and various benches, hoping she wouldn't be sick.

So it was just the three of us. We strapped on more helmets and rode virtual magic carpets looking for virtual treasures. The game allowed players to look left and right to see the other players in the game, but as soon as the ride began I couldn't find my kids and assumed one was off washing his virtual hands and one was off buying virtual stuffed toys.

A virtual raft ride and a pirate adventure later I knew I had to call it a day. We took the elevator down to ground level and my son asked, "Is this the tower of terror?" confirming that we have indeed scarred him for life.

My wife was able to nap off her sickness at the hotel and we were ready for Disney's Hoop-De-Doo Musical Review. It's a dinner-show that is both hokey and fun. The actors sing and dance and mingle with the audience. Aside from having to worry about being pulled up on stage, I had a great time and the kids laughed and sang along with the show.

The meal is (you guessed it) another all-you-can-eat affair. Buckets of fried chicken and ribs were delivered to our table. Cornbread, baked beans and a steamed vegetable, that seemed laughably out of place, completed the meal. I ordered a draft beer with my meal and they left a pitcher on the table.

We rolled out of the show and went back to our hotel for a good night's sleep. Unfortunately, at 3:00 a.m. I had a bad case of Hoop-De-Heartburn and stared at the ceiling for about an hour and wondered what I was doing to myself.

Sometimes these off days take more out of you than you might expect.