I've written about my kids before and I'll surely do it again. They are the best part of my life and I love them dearly. However, there are times when I wonder why raising kids can't be just a little bit easier and today is one of those days.

Don't get me wrong, my kids aren't selling drugs, robbing banks or manufacturing Toyotas. They're just being kids and generally their behaviour is about as good as any two kids I know. That said, all kids are hard on your head at times and mine are no exception.

Today I want to talk about my daughter.

I don't know if times have changed dramatically from the time I was seven, or if life as a girl is something I just can't understand, but my God the drama she finds herself in at school! There isn't a day that goes by where she doesn't come home with another story of someone being unspeakably mean to someone. And if you don't have an hour, you don't have time for the whole story! The best part is that the nasty situations don't even involve her until she voluntarily thrusts herself into these soap operas like some sort of Second Grade Dr. Phil!? I've come to the conclusion that girls that age absolutely cannot get along and that perhaps bickering with each other constantly is actually how they relate to each other??

My daughter is also quite bothered by the behaviour of the boys in her class. It's nice to know that a million years after I was in Grade 2, it is still customary for boys to shows girls that they really like them by teasing them constantly and generally making their lives miserable. No less than 200 times have I reminded her of this, but each day it's another story of "Daddy, Justin made fun of my name today and says that gymnastics is for losers."

The horror.

They talk a lot about bullying in schools and I'm glad that they do, but my daughter doesn't quite seem to grasp the concept. Her definition of bullying has expanded to include someone declaring a new best friend and an unwillingness to play tag. When I snickered loudly, she accused me of bullying.

Oh boy.

Another issue that seems to come up more and more is envy over the attention received by her younger brother. My daughter has been an over-achiever from the day she was born and as the oldest grandchild on either side of the family has lapped up more attention than any child I know. But the moment we praise her brother for being quick to put on his coat and boots she reacts like she's the second coming of Cinderella.

"Why don't you ever tell MEEE that I did a great job of putting on my coat and boots???" she whines.

"Because you're seven," is my usual reply.

I have no doubt she's making a list of infractions against her and will be contacting Childrens' Aid to report me.

For bullying.

Ugh.

Remember, tomorrow is promised to no one.
Walter Payton

Last week I received an email to inform me that a friend's father had passed away. He was only 69 and collapsed while playing hockey, unable to be revived. Just a few short months ago another friend of mine lost his dad, also 69. He had been sick a short time, but I didn't find out until he was gone.

The one thing that everyone can agree on is that dealing with death is hard. After that, I think there is little consistency from person to person about the right way to respond, the right way to show our support for someone who has just lost a loved one. My way is by no means the right way or the only way, but I thought I'd share it anyway.

The first thing I do is take stock of my own life. I thank my lucky stars for all that I have and think about what kind of a legacy I would be leaving if my time was up today. Would my family know how much I loved them? Would I have made a difference in the lives of those who knew me? Did I live the life I wanted to live? Did I choose to be happy, or did I allow the wear and tear of life to rob me of special moments? This kind of reflection has always helped me to appreciate the life I have and acts as a wake-up call for me to really live my life.

My parents taught me that it's important to make an effort to reach out to those who have lost loved ones with an email/letter/phone call and if possible a trip to the funeral home for the visitation or funeral. These are never easy notes to write or phone calls to make, but they are so important to the people receiving them. Those who have lost someone feel alone and isolated, and the awkwardness felt by others only makes the situation worse. Get over your fears and let them know that you aren't going to hide from them at a time like this.

It's ok to share memories of the person who died, tell stories, use their name, laugh and joke about funny things that you remember...in fact, it might be the best gift you can give to a grieving person. If nothing else, you're showing that you care enough to be there at a time like that, to share your memories, your stories and all of that helps.

I also learned that it's ok that you don't know exactly what to say. No one does. Nothing is going to change the situation and nothing you say is going to be really right or really wrong. It's just important that you're there to talk and it's ok to admit that you really don't have "the right words" to express your level of sorrow.

When I was a teenager my grandfather told me that when he died we should throw a party. He said "Rick, I've lived a great life and no one needs to be too sad when I go." Years later, when he died, I remembered those words and although I was sad at losing him, I knew that he didn't live his life with regrets and we could move on knowing that he wasn't cheated out of a full life. It really helped.

I always remember those words and I use them to keep death in perspective. It's a sad time for sure, but a life well lived should be remembered and celebrated and the focus should be on that, not the sadness.

I hope someday I'll have lived the kind of life that allows me to tell my grandkids those same words.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln

We regret to inform you that effective immediately your position has been eliminated and your services will no longer be required.

Like tens of thousands of Canadians in 2009, I saw these words from my employer and knew that my life was about to change.

Losing your job can be one of the most stressful and traumatic events in a person's life. The HR person assigned to give me the bad news was more than prepared for me to sob uncontrollably, my tears landing on the walls, ceiling and floor of the tiny meeting room. I think it says in the HR handbook that if I had requested a hug that she would have been legally obliged to grant my request and say "there, there" as she rubbed my back.

There was just one problem...I had never been happier in my life! You see, I had known for some time that this job was all wrong for me and had been thinking night and day about making a career change. Instead of looking at being downsized as a horrible situation, it was actually an opportunity to move in a positive direction in my life.

I'm naturally a very positive person and believe strongly that happiness is a choice. And because of that, I made my choice to change careers when I realized that I wasn't doing something that made me happy.

Like everyone else, I have unique skills and passions and I believe that the best way to spend your life is to find a way to exercise them every day. I wasn't doing that at work and it was threatening to become a huge emotional drag on me. I knew my current career wasn't going to offer me what I wanted or needed out of life, so I decided to go in a different direction.

Thinking back, I can identify a few guiding principles that helped me to make this decision:

1. Life is short-do what makes you happy and don't put it off!
2. Be honest with yourself-are you really happy or are you just trying to convince yourself that you are?
3. Don't allow yourself to believe you're "stuck". The only people who are truly stuck are those who believe they are.
4. You always have options.
5. Making a big change in your life (whatever it might be) takes courage. Find that courage, it's worth it.

It didn't take me too long to figure out my new career path and the adventure has been more fun than even I imagined it would be. Something tells me I'll talk about that adventure in another blog post very soon...

In a few short months I'll be graduating and looking for a job. Unlike many of my classmates who will be leaving the safe confines of school and finding their way in "the real world" for the first time, this is not my first rodeo. However, I can remember like it was yesterday when I was a brand new job seeker. The recollection makes me laugh, mostly at the bumbling, stumbling young man that I was, but I can also think back to some lessons learned that are still helpful today.

Let me first say that when I looked for my first job I had absolutely no idea what kind of a job I wanted. How that could even be possible after 1,460 days in university is puzzling and unexplainable even to this day, but these are the facts.

My initial "strategy" towards finding a job was to take no action whatsoever. I learned quickly that this was a poor plan, but in case I had missed the lesson, my mother was happy to remind me no less than 400 times daily. Though it was sometimes difficult to listen through the nagging, I did hear her say that I should try to meet with people who might help me figure out my career path.

Great idea! But who?

A family friend was working in advertising in Toronto and agreed to meet with me to see if he could be of assistance. This meeting didn't produce a job offer nor even any career ideas, but he did suggest I meet with his client who owned a sports marketing company. Without knowing it, I was networking.

The first things I noticed about "Pete" when I had my meeting was that he wore a suit, a baseball cap, and no socks. It was quickly established that the man with no socks was also the man with no job openings and I worried that our meeting would be a waste of time for both of us.

While I'm sure my stated career objective ("I have absolutely no idea what I want to do") was in no way impressive, it did give us a starting point for our conversation. He told me his story about landing his first job-as a counsellor at the YMCA, working with kids. He said it was far from his "dream job", but he knew he wasn't going to be there forever. After a few months, he got to know the parents of the children and one day, one of the fathers said there was an opening at his company, IBM, selling typewriters and suggested he apply. He got the job and learned how to sell, a helpful skill for nearly any career. Through his contacts at IBM he landed a different job and learned new skills, repeated the process several times and years later opened up his own company.

Pete told me that since I didn't know what kind of job I wanted, that I shouldn't be too picky. "Take any job that offers the chance to learn and start to build your network," he said. Pete also changed my mind about taking a job in sales. The ability to sell is required for success in nearly every job-the ability to sell yourself, your ideas, to persuade people...it's all sales!

There were many lessons learned that day:

1. Mom was right-talking to people is a great way to gain insight and get helpful advice when deciding on a new career.
2. Networking is a great way to find a job, but is not limited to finding a job. Think of networking as a way to get advice, find a mentor or learn about industries. And ALWAYS look for ways to give before you get.
3. Don't be so picky when looking for a job that you overlook opportunities to gain valuable skills or rapidly expand your network. Jobs are stepping stones, so don't expect perfection before you've gained experience.
4. The ability to sell is always valuable.
5. If you own the company, no one cares if you wear socks.

Oh, and this time I know what type of job I'm looking for.